Loss. What can it do for a person?
Much more than we realize. Especially when the pain of said loss still continues to sting like a million bees.
From loss, I have learned many things. Many things about life. And many more about myself.
I have lost loved ones, material possessions, opportunities, and much more.
I have lost many things and many people.
I have lost hours of sleep, and time that is impossible to get back.
I have lost parts of me during the process.
I have lost many things.
I've spent so much time questioning, I got lost in the process.
I questioned why, how, when, and everything else you could possibly think.
I lost faith and felt defeated.
But what I haven't lost is my will to fight and my will to keep going. My will to survive, anything and everything life feels I should be a part of.
What I failed to realize all along. And, I know, I wanted to punch people when they told me.....
I failed to realize all that I had not lost.
I still had loved ones. Even when the life I was living wasn't ideal, or anything I had dreamed of, I still had people in this world who loved the hell out of me. I lost so much time focusing on the ones who were no longer there, and the reasons why they chose to leave, and the reasons that were beyond the control of anyone. I lost years begging for the return of people, places, and things, when it was just impossible. I had lost.
I held onto the things, the time, the people, that I had lost, when I should have been learning how to hold onto the things, time, people, opportunities and life that still existed.
For me, it felt easier to give into the negatives I faced. It felt easier to feel defeated. It was easier to just sit and cry for days and days.
But really, it wasn't easy at all. I lost so much in the process.
Sure, crying is good. Crying is healthy. Reflecting on our loss is not a terrible thing. And sometimes, with loss, the process of grief is a must.
But through it all, we can lose and lose and lose, but it's when we lose ourselves that life becomes less than it should ever be for anyone.
I lost myself. I lost myself in the process and one of the hardest things I ever did in life was working to find myself again.
What I lost outside of myself, wasn't regained. The ones that brought me to my knees with no sight of ever being able to bring myself up again were never found.
But, finding myself again was what I needed the most.
Finding myself was the only thing I needed to find.
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